Monday, January 16, 2012

#38 - Skinner


Look at Skinner for more than eight seconds and you piss your pants; true story. Now I hope everyone reading this is over eighteen, because if not you are probably catatonic right now and also I probably have NBC cameras outside, along with the police. The point still stands though; Skinner is a scary breh, but in the early 90s he was even scarier to a young, nubile boy such as myself.

What made Skinner so dangerous, outside of his ability to wrestle crocodiles in the dreaded Everglades was his ability to not be killed by stingrays. He literally had zero weaknesses. The only thing that stood in his way was his fan boat running out of his gas on the New Jersey Turnpike.

While he will be remembered most for his knock down, drag out battles with Tito Santana (and I mean this in a employer/employee sense, not a wrestling sense) was the fact that he was a philanthropist having donated weapons to Somalian pirates as well as enriched uranium to Iran. Besides these feats in foreign policy, Skinner also had the time to invent his own jerky line which was sold to Slim Jim as well as star in several POV pornographic movies, with the most notable being "This Ain't that Gay(tor) Shit".

Having been retired for well over a decade Skinner now spends his time reenacting murder scenes from Dexter and rape scenes from I Spit On Your Grave.

For these reasons, as well the fear of forced sexual penetration, Skinner comes in at #38 on our list!

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