#40 - Van Hammer

To survive in the wrestling industry it is imperative that a grappler is able to change with the times. Perhaps no one encompassed this quality more then Van Hammer, who was able to evolve as the music industry evolved and turned the ongoing trends into even more popularity.

Starting out as a humble young star who had an axe to grind, and an axe to play, Van Hammer took WCW by storm as he botched his way to below average matches across the loop. Of course he was not long for WCW initially but he made an impact and because of that his next stint met with extreme anticipation.

The glam rock Van Hammer emulated before was gone as this time around he was in a punk phase, going as far as joining Raven in his flock. Embracing the spirit of Nirvana, Van Hammer was extremely overrated during this phase of his career. As opposed to the simple songs Nirvana was only capable of playing, Van Hammer was just capable of very basic matches. Still, it furthered his advancement and made him stronger in the future.

In 2000 he ditched his terrible Nirvana phase and picked up on the Nu Metal trend as he joined M.I.A. He became Private Stash but soon realized it made him the lowest member of the group so he renamed himself Major Stash instead. He ruined the thinly veiled pot reference but it was okay; he was no low man on the totem pole damnit.

After WCW ended Van Hammer became a wrestler without a gig. He soon gave up on his wrestling career but still carves a niche in the community as a philanthropist and playwright. It is because of his contributions to the ring and to the arts that Van Hammer is #40 on our list.

#41 - "Hardwork" Bobby Walker

Before we get to #41, let's be clear of one thing; wrestling is real and anyone who thinks otherwise is clearly an idiot. The winners and losers are determined legitimately in the ring by the gladiators who comes out in flashy robes and baby oil. There is nothing fake (or homoerotic about it)

The reason I must explain this is because it directly led to the demise of "Hardwork" Bobby Walker. For years Walker toiled on WCW World Wide where he was consistently dominating stalwarts such as Mr. JL, Brad Armstrong and Rick Fuller. Unfortunately his skin color kept him from a rise to prominence and young Mr. Walker was well aware that his skin color was working against him.

After a few Nitro's, Bobby Walker began building a cult following, and why wouldn't he? He was a man who stressed the importance of hard work, something that millions of parents ignore even today. His passion for hard work was clearly going to make WCW a lot of money had they not decided to try and take the legitimacy of out pro wrestling.

The stage for this disgrace was set when members of WCW's booking committee pulled Bobby Walker aside and told him he was going to lose to Ric Flair that night. Think about that! A young, vibrant wrestler who prides himself on hard work, losing to a nearly 50 year old guy with goofy hair, saggy boobs and a pension for boozing, carousing and not paying any of his bills. This was Bobby Walker damnit! Ric Flair was a has been and he was going to throw a wrestling match, further sullying wrestling's good name?! Walker was incredulous at the request and sued WCW for racial discrimination.

Sadly the damage was done and wrestling became known as "that fake sport" all because WCW wanted Bobby Walker to throw a match vs Ric Flair. Needless to say the damage done to our sport has been irreparable but the values that Bobby Walker taught us continue to thrive today.

For that Bobby Walker's hard work has paid off, making him #41 on our list.

#42 - Virgil

For many the pinnacle of the Civil Rights Movement was in Birmingham, Alabama in the 1960s. Sadly those people are mistaken for the Civil Rights Movement was on a simmer throughout the Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Carter and Reagan administrations until finally boiling over into frothy madness early on in the Bush presidency. Of course the watershed moment was when Virgil was finally able to win his freedom from "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase.

For years Virgil was basically the slave of Ted DiBiase. In a PC world, the DiBiase/Virgil relationship was about as un-PC as it got. Then finally Virgil was able to become emancipated and he struck it out on his own, where he became one of the losingest wrestlers in WWF history.

Was life fair to Virgil? Certainly not. After being destroyed by Yokozuna he left WWF and went to WCW where he became Vincet, the slave of the nWo. Natch this was bewildering to fans who had cheered Virgil on during his meteoric Roots esque rise from poverty to prosperity but still Virgil persevered yet again, as he has been able to parlay his fame into gigs at all the major comic book conventions. And as you can see from the picture above, empty chairs across the world eagerly get in line for his $30 autograph.

Virgil's in ring acumen is top notch, but his societal impact is the biggest justification for his spot at #42 on our list. So next time you think about Rosa Parks, remember that it was Virgil who finished what she started.

#43 - Swoll

First of all, credit to Tim Long for the above picture. As an aside, his last name says Long but his pants sure don't.

For those unfamiliar with Swoll, he was a member of Master P's No Limit Soldiers. These roughians took WCW by storm, eventually feuding with the incredibly racist West Texas Rednecks. It's a feud the No Limit Soldiers clearly won, as two of the four West Texas Rednecks are dead, another just had a stroke and the other one is nowhere to be found.

The central figure of the No Limit Soldiers was not Master P, but instead his 400 lbs bodyguard Swoll. Swoll was quickly signed by WCW with a lucrative 400k contract. Months later of course he was arrested for not paying child support but hey, at least he didn't have the kid aborted so there is that.

Swoll was a monster in the ring, using his vast array of two moves to overwhelm Luchadores on WCW Thunder. Sadly his star was not able to shine brighter as he was too busy going to prison for a litany of crimes. Had the authorities not held another black man down though he was on his way to being the second greatest US Champion ever.

For his hard work and dedication to not only wrestling but also parenting and staying on the right side of the law, Swoll is a unanimous #43 on our 50 greatest grappler list!

#44 - Prince Iaukea

Plenty of people involved in wrestling falsely claim a royal heritage. For example, Jerry "The King" Lawler is not a King, just a statutory rapist. Far more outrageous examples of this skullduggery persist but it is beneath me to acknowledge those frauds. Instead I am putting my efforts into honoring the true prince of grappling, Prince Iaukea.

Prince Iaukea came to WCW as a young man in capri pants with no shoes. He didn't want the world to know that his humble beginnings were a front and that in truth he was the Prince of some weird island, possibly filled with cannibals. In fact, I am almost positive he is an extra in Cannibal Holocaust; no idea if he helped impaled that woman's vagina, but we do know he impaled many Nitro Girls vaginas with his penis.

Anyway, Prince Iaukea came to WCW with a weird look and an even weirder tribal dance that happened every time he won. Needless to say those six times he did it it subsequently rained outside; truly impressive.

After several dominating years as a Prince of some weird island filled with vaginal Cannibals, he took over a new role as the Prince of wrestling. And by Prince I mean he of Purple Rain fame. It further showed his diversity and homosexuality as a result.

For all of these reasons Prince Iaukea is now the Crowned Prince of Greatest Grappler list; a true honor indeed.

#45 - Gene Snitsky

Gene Snitsky was very much pro choice; but it wasn't his fault. Besides a well cultivated physique (the severe bacne was a coincidence), Snitsky also had one of the best set of teeth this side of Captain Lou Albano. Add in his propensity for knocking over pregnant women and you have a star on your hands.

Sntisky's star may not have burnt as long as others, but it wasn't his fault. It's pretty much a known fact that Snitsky was set to star in The Chaperone but Triple H was adamant that Snitsky was going to become a far larger star than he himself was and he couldn't live with it so he made Snitsky's life a living hell. Which, as you can see, is was not his fault.

As a compromise he was offered to star in The Marine, but he felt that was going to be really dumb so he decided to leave the WWE instead. He now resides in Parts Unknown, living in a nice little Colonial adjacent from the Ultimate Warrior. Rumor has it the two men walk their dogs together.

Snitsky could have been higher then #45, but it isn't his fault.

#46 - Steve "Mongo" McMichael

Many professional athletes have crossed over from sports to pro wrestling and failed in their transition. Bill Goldberg, Dennis Rodman and Karl Malone are just three examples of former pro athletes who tried their hand in the ring only to fail miserably. Goldberg, for example, let a simple tazer stand in the way of his perfect record. Just disgusting.

One athlete who made the transition better than all of the others though was Steve "Mongo" McMichael. His impact on pro wrestling was legendary, as he turned on Kevin Greene and subsequently joined the Four Horsemen in his first official match. Immediately he became the second greatest Horsemen ever besides Paul Roma. Not only was Mongo's impact in the Horsemen felt at the time of his career, but look at his legacy today in comparison to the other Horsemen:

Flair - Broke
Luger - Wheelchair
Windham - Stroke
Benoit - Dead
Malenko - Midget
Pillman - Dead
Roma - Pretty
Arn - Crippled
Ole - Multipleschlorsis

Meanwhile Mongo is a successful businessman and leader in the community; a top notch kind of guy.

So whether it was his impact in the ring, or out of it, Mongo has earned his place as the 46th greatest grappler of all time. Had this list been the 50 greatest grapplers of all time who hit people with Halliburton Briefcases, he would have easily come in at #1. Regardless, all hail Mongo.

#47 - Ludvig Borga

Thanks to the passing fad that is MMA, many people are now equating bad ass with anyone from Brazil. Between their Muay Thai and Jiu-Jitsu, Brazilians have the mixed martial arts market monopolized. Guys with last names as first names like Anderson Silva are among the most bad ass fighters in the world, so much so that history tends to forget that a mere 20 years ago the most bad ass man in the world hailed from Finland.

Yes, Ludvid Borga was a bad ass. From his creative ring attire, which somehow had stir-ups criss-crossing his chest and a bad ass Finish flag over his naval, extending into his pubes to his intimidating facial expressions (as noted above), Ludvig Borga transcended badassdom. In fact, his name was so bad ass you can't just say his first or last name; he is only Ludvig Borga damnit.

After coming to America he became disgusted with our pollution and wonky two party system. He went to change all that by targeting the biggest patriot in wrestling in that time. Of course I am talking about Lex Luger. After sufficiently humbling the Lex Express, Ludvig Borga had accomplished everything he needed in the squared circle, so he promptly left the WWF, became an American mixed martial artist and subsequently died.

Still, pretty bad ass.

#48 - Adam Bomb

- Punny name? Check

- Short shorts? Check

- Bulge? Check

- Cool glasses? Check

Adam Bomb meets all four of the main criteria set forth by the Queen Victoria Governing Body of Grappling that necessitate a star. Let's not even forget about his off the charts charisma that helped Adam Bomb sell out hallowed halls such as Madison Square Garden and Omni. With his combination of power and speed, Adam Bomb became one of the biggest stars in WWF history. His merchandise per capita far exceeded that of even Hulk Hogan; not bad for a man who saw his career cut short do to the MRSA virus.

While Adam Bomb was a house hold name in the United States, his popularity in Japan was even greater. With the Japanese people still holding great reverence for the atomic bomb that wiped away a great percentage of their population during a crippling economic downturn, Adam Bomb became emblematic of the way they held Americans in high esteem in the 40s.

For those reasons, and many more, Adam Bomb checks in at #48 on our list.

And that bulge. Mmm that bulge.

#49 - El Dandy

When people think of WCW in the late nineties they naturally think of logical wrestling storylines. Then of course, they think of the money making faction known as the Latino World Order, headlined by none other then El Dandy himself.

While the nWo received all the publicity, it was the LWO that made street gangs such as MS-13 and the Latin Kings popular. Last I checked no one was pimping underage girls and murdering people because of Kevin Nash and Scott Hall, but those three girls found beheaded in the back of a Shell Station? All El Dandy.

Not only did El Dandy possess off the charts charisma and a well sculpted body, but he also had one hell of a head of hair. I know when I think of El Dandy it usually goes hair, bulge and smile in that order. There couldn't be a better prototype for the perfect Hispanic wrestler. I trust that my fellow readers think of him in the same way.

So today we honor El Dandy as the 49th greatest grappler of all time. A distinction he will remember for the rest of his life... assuming he isn't dead yet. I really have no idea.

#50 - Sgt. Craig "Pitbull" Pittman

Army and wrestling have gone hand and hand since the sixties, so it should come as no surprise that this list of the 50 greatest grapplers would include one of these Patriots.

In Craig Pittman we not only have a man who defended our countries honor, but also the greatest Sergeant in wrestling history. While some may disagree, stating unequivocally that Sgt. Slaughter is the best Sergeant the squared circle has ever seen, those people are morons and should murdered.

Whether Pittman was breaking arms with his patented Cross Arm Breaker, or shipping people into shape by frantically blowing a whistle in their face, the crowd loved him. Had it not been for the obvious racial injustice going on within WCW during his run, Craig Pittman would have been a bigger star than David Arquette and likely would be remembered as the black Rock.

Regardless, he will have the dubious distinction of being the 50th Greatest Grappler of all time and that is an honor no one can take away from him; except for me.

An introduction

Introductions are for pussies. TO THE LIST!