Tuesday, December 20, 2011

#44 - Prince Iaukea


Plenty of people involved in wrestling falsely claim a royal heritage. For example, Jerry "The King" Lawler is not a King, just a statutory rapist. Far more outrageous examples of this skullduggery persist but it is beneath me to acknowledge those frauds. Instead I am putting my efforts into honoring the true prince of grappling, Prince Iaukea.

Prince Iaukea came to WCW as a young man in capri pants with no shoes. He didn't want the world to know that his humble beginnings were a front and that in truth he was the Prince of some weird island, possibly filled with cannibals. In fact, I am almost positive he is an extra in Cannibal Holocaust; no idea if he helped impaled that woman's vagina, but we do know he impaled many Nitro Girls vaginas with his penis.

Anyway, Prince Iaukea came to WCW with a weird look and an even weirder tribal dance that happened every time he won. Needless to say those six times he did it it subsequently rained outside; truly impressive.

After several dominating years as a Prince of some weird island filled with vaginal Cannibals, he took over a new role as the Prince of wrestling. And by Prince I mean he of Purple Rain fame. It further showed his diversity and homosexuality as a result.

For all of these reasons Prince Iaukea is now the Crowned Prince of Greatest Grappler list; a true honor indeed.

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